


Essek Does Not Know What To Do With This

by phantomthief_fee



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Originally Posted on Tumblr, just me messing around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-23 11:56:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23177746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomthief_fee/pseuds/phantomthief_fee
Summary: Essek does not understand Caduceus Clay at all.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 134





	Essek Does Not Know What To Do With This

[@shadowhand-essek](https://tmblr.co/mAX_5pB2I2iyL-2zb8oH0Ow) had this amazing [post ](https://shadowhand-essek.tumblr.com/post/188405171123/i-am-all-aboard-the-shadowgast-hype-train-believe)and I wanted to write it. 

* * *

Essek Thelyss, Shadowhand to the Bright Queen, did not understand Caduceus Clay in the slightest. Every conversation he had with the firbolg left him even more baffled than the one before. 

He never knew how to react to anything Caduceus said. 

Once, he’d given a long and detailed explanation about gravity, dunamancy, and how magic that bends the fabric of the world and the nature of the universe is dangerous and should be treated with great caution. It was a very important explanation as to why the Mighty Nein needed to be careful when it came to these sorts of spells. 

Once he’d finished, though, Caduceus had said, “Hey, did you know there’s a type of moss that smells like decay but tastes like strawberries?”

Essek had stared at him, completely dumbfounded, not knowing what to do with this. What had made it even worse was that none of the other members of the Nein had reacted to Caduceus’ comment, meaning Essek was the only one who was confused. 

“I….” Essek had tried to come up with something to say, but found his mind blank. Caduceus had just smiled at him, as if he was completely unaware of Essek’s bafflement. Essek looked helplessly at Caleb and Beau, who shrugged. 

Another time, he’d come to the Xhorhaus to check on the Nein and make sure they weren’t causing trouble and the moment he’d walked in, Caduceus had handed him a large bowl of stew. 

“Thank you,” Essek said slowly. “But I did not ask for anything to eat?”

Caduceus just shrugged, still smiling. “I just figured you were looking kinda peaky,” he said. “Don’t work too hard now, Mister Shadowhand. And eat that while it’s still hot.”

Then he walked away, leaving Essek standing in the doorway with the bowl of stew still in his hands. Essek did not know what to do with this. 

Caduceus also had a fascination with death that bordered, to Essek, on creepy. Perhaps fascination wasn’t the best word for it. Death was something Caduceus was worryingly comfortable with. Which meant he’d occasionally say things related to death that baffled Essek.

“With the beacons, we have pioneered and perfected immortality. We preserve the knowledge of ages and can learn constantly from our pasts and our mistakes. We have discovered how to transcend death.” Essek had said once, caught up in pride for his people’s tradition. 

“But the worms are still going to feast on you eventually,” Caduceus pointed out cheerfully. 

Essek’s words died in his throat as he stared at the firbolg, his entire train of thought derailed by this statement. “I….”

“You can’t stop nature,” Caduceus continued, still bright and cheerful. “Doesn’t matter how smart you think you are, she’ll make sure you get turned to mulch eventually. That’s just how things are.”

Essek did not know what to do with this.

At one point, desperate to have a normal conversation with him, Essek had made an attempt to compliment the tea Caduceus had given him. The firbolg always seemed to have a new batch ready whenever he dropped by.

“This herbal tea is very refreshing, thank you,” he said after taking a sip. 

“Oh yeah, that’s from the Mason’s. They were all brutally murdered about fifty years ago because of some really unpopular political decisions,” Caduceus replied. “They make really good tea, though. I guess their loss is your gain, huh?” He chuckled and took a sip of his tea. 

Essek did not know what to do with this. 

It got to the point where when Caduceus approached him, fear welled up in Essek’s chest as to just what strangeness he would be subjected to this time. Would it be another strange comment about death and his own inevitable mortality? More corpse tea?

“I just wanted to say thanks for, you know, getting us where we need to go,” Caduceus said. “You’ve been really patient with us, and I appreciate that.”

Essek allowed himself to relax. 

“Thank you, Mister Clay,” he replied with a smile. “You are quite welcome. It is my pleasure to serve, after all.”

“Yeah. You’re a good egg.” Caduceus smiled back, patting Essek’s head with one large hand before walking away.

Essek did not know what to do with this.

During one of Essek’s visits to the house, Caduceus spotted Essek glancing at Caleb now and again and decided to comment. 

“Be gentle with him whenever it finally happens, alright?” He said, patting Essek’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Essek replied, frowning slightly. 

“Sure you do.” Caduceus continued to smile placidly.

“I…Have no intention of being rough with anyone,” Essek said slowly, moving to remove Caduceus’ hand from his shoulder. 

“‘Course you don’t. But he’s had a hard time in the past.” Caduceus patted Essek’s back. “So have you. Be gentle with the both of you.”

Essek did not know what to do with this.

He even found Caduceus talking to his house plants once. 

“Can I help you with anything, Mister Clay?” Essek asked, approaching him. 

“Oh no, no, I’m great,” Caduceus replied brightly. “They’re really good conversationalists, you know.” He gestured to the plants that Essek kept around his home.

“Oh, I know. Wonderful listeners,” Essek said dryly, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I talk to them every night about how my day has been.” He was tired and didn’t particularly want to deal with Caduceus’ strangeness at the moment. 

“Oh, I know. They told me.”

For a moment, Essek thought Caduceus was joking. One look at his face, however, told him the firbolg was completely serious. 

“They also said to let you know you’re doing a great job, and they’re really happy here with you,” Caduceus continued. “But they wish you’d come home early from work now and then. They think you work too hard.”

Essek stared at him. He legitimately had no idea how to respond to what Caduceus had just said. Caduceus could talk to plants? And he’d talked to **_his_** plants?

“They’re probably right, you know,” Caduceus said, patting Essek on the shoulder. “You can always trust a plant to give you good advice.”

Essek did not know what to do with this. 

What Essek didn’t know was that Caduceus was making a deliberate effort to confuse Essek. It would do him some good to have his feathers ruffled now and again, he decided. 

**Author's Note:**

> I started this forever ago and I wanted to finally finish it. I'm also not caught up right now


End file.
